The one you love VS the one who loves you

I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve been taking note of what’s going on in my life and this is something I wrote 2-3 months ago. I am posting it because it is happening again (actually it has happen twice with 2 other friends since I wrote this) Anyway, here it is.

The other night my housemate asked us (four of us had a dinner and got to catch up) would you choose to be with someone who loves you or someone you love. Three of us said we could never be with someone who loved us and we didn’t love. For so many reasons. You would get bored, surely the constant I love you s would eventually annoy you. But mostly it’s kinda selfish. So the housemate who asked us the question admitted he was selfish and he would choose the girl who loves him then he would learn to love her, because she would treat him well (better than the one he loves). The three of us didn’t agree. We thought love was meant to be “natural”. Learnt love (this expression we used during our conversation) could not be compared to natural love (the kind of love that just happen).

Anyways…fast forward to today evening (which was one evening 2-3 months ago). This guy, John, we met at prayers.  He hit on me before Christmas then went for a few months trip. Now he is back in town and back on my case. We went out for drinks and he asked me out, officially. I played the let’s take it slow; It came out nicely,  I think  (I should probably write about Technics I use to get out of awkward moments or maybe Candy should; she quite good at it). Then we went home,  to our respective homes. He got me wine first.
Anyway point is I got to my room and started thinking, I don’t like kissing except strangers when I am drunk and people I like.  But I could just sleep with him. I wouldn’t kiss him. It would just be to satisfy my hormones.  He would be a great bf, he s a good religious gentleman who likes me (I think he just likes the idea of me).

So back to what my neighbour said. What if I date him? What if I could be selfish? My friends keep telling me I think to much about others anyway.  So this is where I am right now. Considering dating someone who ll treat me like people in love treat people they love.

So since this happened, 2 of my friends have (directly or indirectly) asked me out, and although I have manage to avoid giving an answer (I really hate loosing friends to awkward situations) I am scared the topic may come back again. So this is where I am right now. 

Hum, sincerely,

Lisa

PS: The italic is for everything I added today 😉

How to break up with someone you are not dating

Well let me first start off by explaining how this even happens. So below are three ways to know if you are metaphorically dating a person:

a) You find them somewhat attractive but your aren’t really attracted to them. They find you super hot. You hang out with them because they can be good company. They hang out with you because they think you are amazing.

b) You do dating stuff; like go on lunch and dinner dates, cook together and they even offer to drop you off at work when you’re late. You catch them staring at you with those “hey, i wanna kiss you” eyes.

c) You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend. And it’s not them

Ok so if you are experiencing one of these (or all ) with a person you are metaphorically dating (i made that term up by the way but it sounds kinda right so whatevs).

Firstly, this person is getting attached! So before they get you drunk and kiss you in a public place and cause potential detriment to your otherwise happy relationship you have to break up with them! (speaking from experience)

Ok it isn’t as dramatic as I’m making it sound but still. If you know someone has feelings for you and you kinda just like the attention you need to stop it and let them know. These people tend to be very hopeful so make sure you leave no hope. Sit them down and establish an understanding that you and them… never gonna happen (unless it is in which case you seriously have to make up your mind). It is awkward and weird but afterwards it’s better for everyone. Yes you might not get free lunch anymore but at least you get the assurance that you are not a people hoarder ( also another made up term for people who keep other people in their life who aren’t necessarily adding any benefit to it). Be thoughtful enough to push them towards other people in the world instead of wasting their time on someone who can’t give them what they want.

And after a long time of not saying anything this is what i could come up with so you can see that my life hasn’t been THAAAT exciting (mostly)

🙂

love… Always

Candy<3

 

image:http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/2/25/Deal-With-Unrequited-Love-Step-8.jpg/670px-Deal-With-Unrequited-Love-Step-8.jpg 

To swallow or not to swallow, that’s the question

Things with Kyle have been going amazing. We are official now. Still in that amazing honey moon phase ,

Attempting to spice things up , I asked him what’s ‘The one move’ that he cannot forget he simply looked at me with a naughty smirk and told me how when he was about to come an ex fling would take of the protection, go down on him , swallow every drop and keep going at it. I quickly regretted asking him that after that reply.

Now I am not a prude and definitely do not judge what people do in bed, however, I have my personal boundaries:

Boundary Number One:
There is to be ABSOLUTELY NO sperm on my body. The idea of a guy taking out the protection so he can spray my body with his ‘kids’ literally bring tears to me eyes.

I won’t go into the other boundaries , however the sperm splashing and swallowing is really up there for me. since every rule has it’s exception, If I am in the mood with a person I love, I can bring myself to swallow.,Just not on an everyday basis.

So I brought this up with some girl friends and turns out the swallowing and splashing is the norm out there , I am seriously wondering why, does it make it more kinky? Do they really like the taste? Am I prude ? And most importantly did I just make my boyfriend expect me to swallow his ‘kids’? Granted that when he goes down to me he swallows my ‘juices’ since technically he has no choice, does it make it unfair that I do not want to return that particular favor?

Is it fair that he technically forced to swallow my juices when he goes down on me yet I won’t do the same ? I blame porn movies for this, seeing woman look like victims when they splash their kids in their eyes,noses,mouth,faces even ears!!! I want sex to empower me , not to victimize me. Then again why am I comparing myself to porn starts…

Questioning my morals…

💋Solange

The 90 Days Rule

For those of you who aren’t updated on this rule, the 90 days rule is when someone starts dating someone and waits 90 days before having sex. This rule helps determine wether the guy is worth it not. guess three months is enough to determine wether he is a creep or not.

So since I want things with Kyle to go far I have been implementing this rule. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t necessarily sleep on the first date, not that I see anything wrong with it, but i don’t count weeks or days until sex. The way I view it I need to know our connection in bed before we date because to me size matters and rather know before we start having a connection or I will cheat.

Having said that, my method has left me disappointed in men so many times I decided to change things up and see how it goes. So far it has been hell on earth, temptation island, fear factor …you name it. Every time we make out and he grabs my ass, whispers my name I literally get wet…yet I always manage to stop him . At the moment he thinks I am a decent good girl who evaluates guys and takes time. At the moment I am thinking I am about go insane.

Honestly it seems like a punishment to get so turned on and not have sex.i mean what if we connect mentally and emotionally and after those ninety days we sleep together and there is zero sexual connection? What if he is small? What if…. So I decided to let it go and ride the wave. After all if someone wants you just for sex he will patiently wait until you give it up and leave you after.

So yesterday we finally did it.

Solange

Deal breakers

‘ if it’s too good to be true, it probably is’

This is how I feel about Kyle. He is EVERYTHING a girl could want and then some. He makes time for us, effort to see me everyday, can handle and spend time with my crazy friends, he can’t wait to meet my loved ones and can’t wait for me to meet his, he has a solid life plan , he is ambitious, he is sweet, he is tall dark and handsome…and most of all he wants me more than anything.

I should be happy, right!? But the pessimist in me is searching for that deal breaker, for the bad thing in him, I mean he simply too perfect.

He has excelled in all the areas we’ve covered , except for one: SEX.Since I am taking this guy seriously and I want us to build something I am holding off from sleeping with him any time soon. It’s actually the first time i implement the 90 day rule and so far it’s been a punishment.

Yesterday after our dinner date I tried to graze past his ‘area’ while we kissed in the car however couldn’t determine anything ( thanks for nothing Jane). That got me thinking, what if after the 90 days I actually have sex with him and he turns out to have a ‘d’ instead of a ‘D’? What would I do? Is it ridiculous to make size a deal breaker? Is sex that important to me that I would disregard all my other feelings due to it ? Is sex this much a priority?

Solange

Moving too fast???

So things with Kyle are move on rather…FAST. (If you have no clue who I am talking about read the previous post)

Granted that him and I have been doing the flirting thing and the hint throwing since last year,we’ve seen each other quite a lot since that Friday and things seem to be running.

We saw each other that Friday we kissed, we made out in his car on Saturday (worst make out session as he was wasted and I was sober) and Sunday he invited me to his father’s birthday lunch, where his entire family would be and just a few friends.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am happy that he wants to take things seriously, but we haven’t even had a full week together. Goodness we not even in a serious relationship yet. I wonder if I am sabotaging it because of my past relationship where I met the family and got serious in less than a year. At times when we get hurt in relationship we try to do things differently in the next one. I have the tendency of doing an entire revamp and this time I want to take things slow because I do want us to last and I do not want to get hurt again in case we don’t work out.

So Sunday as he wished I was next to him while celebrating his father’s birthday, I was driving around town and having lunch with my bestie. Worst of all, I couldn’t even feel guilty as I was happy with my decision.

I like the idea of Kyle and I. We honestly make a nice couple inside/out BUT every piece of the puzzle fits so perfectly so far. If something looks too good to be true, it probably is. I have a feeling the sex won’t be good…which is a big problem…but the boy needs to have a problem and since none seems to be it that must be it. To make matters worse I am planning to wait at least a month and a half before we get there , so for all I know I am putting in efforts in something that won’t work (yes bad sex is a deal breaker for me as I will end up cheating).

Last night we went out on a date. A nice, calm, relaxing date. I have to say he is simply an amazing guy and getting to know him is rather fun. But at times he mentions things that make me want to grab my bag and run for my life. Last night as I told him my fear of being a bad mother which drives me to not want my own kids, and how if it happened it would be a mistake or the guy’s doing he decided to tell me with a bold face how at times guys plan and even know that they got their girlfriend pregnant RIGHT AFTER SEX!i know right ?! Like what?! Then he proceeded to ask me if I like kids (my nephew’s pic is on my cellphone background) because he had a friend that had a cute baby and we should pay them a visit. The last time a guy spoke to me about kids and told me he wanted to get me pregnant I laughed it off (I always thought girls did that never guys) …three months later I got pregnant so talks as such freak me out now.

We changed the subject to talk about family and how we grew up and I found out he is the youngest of four (two female and two males) and I told him how I have an older brother , younger brother who I am very close and protective off and a little sister who is so feisty she protects me. While talking about siblings I confessed to him that my over protective self onde didn’t approve of the girl my little brother was starting something with as she was bossy, too naughty and liked to control him so I dissed him until he broke up with her and now doesn’t tell me about girls anymore. At this he reassured me that his sisters would like me and they are not as bad as I am.

In normal conditions I would have loved all those signs as they scream ‘READY TO COMMIT AND SETTLE DOWN’ and believe it or not I am the wifey type of girlfriend. However after my last relationship that was so serious we thought marriage was gonna take place I am beyond skeptical about a guy that talks about this so soon. I have no fear of commitment but I am starting to have a fear of forever, actually that’s the same thing!

After I kissed him good bye and watched him drive away, I wondered if I am sabotaging the possibility of a great thing because my ex is not entirely out of my mind, or is it just the post break up effects.

I need help…

Solange

The grass is not always greener on the other side

Hi everyone, I know I been MIA.
Goodness so much has happened, I basically packed up my life and moved back to my home city to start a fresh.I wanted a new page , new opportunities, new attitudes and a new calmer life.

Boy was I wrong…

Last night was my first night out. I went out with a childhood friend of mine,let’s call him John, who thought my arrival was enough reason for us to paint the town red.John has known me since I was 4 years old,we bumped into each other two years ago and have become close since then. So close we’ve slept together during our drunk nights more than once.

Last night was wild. Between the club hops, tequila and the dirty dancing we bumped into his ex girlfriend who always had a suspicion about us (funny enough we bonded and exchanged numbers last night), I bumped into cuties I went to primary school with (my oh mine they got even cuter) and we bumped into John’s crew who honestly believe John and I are in a relationship.

The plot thickens as now I have crush on one of his close friends, Kyle, and he likes me back. John has been sabotaging the potential of Kyle and I becoming a couple so much that he even wants to introduce me to other guys .

Well last night as Kyle and I shared our first kiss, John made us leave the club on the excuse that we should club hop some more. Kyle noticing this random behaviour let us go and tried to keep up with us. Everytime Kyle would arrive, John would tell me it’s time to go to the next club

I woke up in John’s arms.
In his bed.
Naked.
Again.

And here I thought moving would calm down my life, it seems it made it crazier. I sense plenty of stories coming up.I promise to keep you updated.

Solange

The post-valentines trend…

There seems to be a trend following the pre-valentine’s days and valentine’s day. I am not talking about the International side-chick days on the 13th and 15th February. I am talking about the week following Valentine’s day. I seems testosterones are at their pick the week after Valentines.

The week of Val’s day I barely got calls, texts or even chat messages from my male friends. The boys/men who usually call on a daily basis, or at least once every two days, were quiet last week. No one checked on me, and personally I was too busy with work to even notice. Last year I wasn’t so busy so I noticed. No one called that week, not the guy who was in love with me (and I loved), not my FWB or even the guy who was telling everyone he wanted to date me. I ended up spending Val’s with Candy (while Solange went to 3 dates…) and the following week people started calling for dates.

So last year I thought it was a coincidence (although this had happen before when I was dating). Then this year, I had my 1st Valentine’s date, dragged my friend with me because he was a random but had fun and didn’t hear from the boys until Sunday. This week I have 3 dates, people are calling after 12am “because they miss me”, get 3 calls a day,  my old crush is one of my dates, my new crush is also one of my dates.

The question is though: is this International side-chick week? Or I-want-to-date-you week? Am I the only one experiencing this? Or are these people just cheap and don’t want to spend on a Valentine. But dinner is the same price on Val’s day as it it every other day.

Anyway, I don’t care: 1- my birthday is a few days after Val’s so cheap guys who call me this week will have to get me a present anyway; 2- I AM FINALLY TALKING TO MY CRUSH, don’t care why.

Yours  truly,

Alicia Lisa

Has the need for equality turned us into bullies?

Most of us grew up drawing the daddy bigger than the mommy, watched movies where daddy was the head of the family (mother being the neck that can turn the head) and most of us would think twice about marrying someone that would depends on our paycheck.

In this day an age women are being encouraged to ‘wear the pants’, be more vocal and fight for equal rights. Our new found voice can also be heard in the bedroom, where the modern woman is now encouraged to be vocal about their needs, wants and desires. Saddly many women’s voice still aren’t heard as they are abused and mistreated. Would this be the reason why we, generation Y, are now being extra vocal when it comes to sex…are we taking it too far?

This came about us we ( Candy, Alicia and I) had one of our usual catch up sessions. I was telling them about how Nick re appeared in my life.

Nick is the brother of a friend of ours.It was attraction at first sight when we met.

Eventually I went to visit him at work for some free drinks , he is a bartender, got drunk and ended up at the basement of the bar rocking him into ecstasy. It was spontaneous, hungry , raw sex. As we kissed all the way down the passage while his co workers looked with envy and shock . I still remember how he breathed out when I went down on him, how I exploded when he filled me in and how good he was at taking command. His height, his body, his hand holding me tight as I placed my hands against the wall and rode him till he moaned my name.

The next few days I acted as if nothing had happened while he called and tried to reach out. Maybe because I didn’t want to feel played, maybe because I know that I also have the right to be sexually adventurous, the right to get what when i want or maybe because he had a girlfriend. Nick’s girlfriend though pretty and ambitious, was too busy acting modern to pay him any attention or listen to him. And as I listened to his problems and rocked him into bliss without him having to do any work her man kept asking me to stay over instead of asking her.

Eventually we hooked up again, in a bed this time, and it was a sort of rematch. To put it simple: the first time I had fucked him now it was his turn to fuck me.It was a long, freaky session, filled with moans and scratches. After i tried to say no, he simply picked me from the kitchen counter, shut my complains with a kiss, dag his hands into my thighs while we walked to the bedroom. Where the bed was no match for our hunger. Nothing sexier than someone who wants you as if you were the last drop water in the middle of the desert. The lust and desire in his eyes was enough to get me ready for action. The size, the connection, the dirtiness was perfect, however as he repeatedly came , I didn’t.

This got me angry and annoyed, I felt cheated of my right to pleasure. As he noticed my disappointment he started to pull tricks that weren’t working. I, being the new modern vocal woman, instructed him on how to perform them properly or simply let go. We had to stop because frankly I was swollen now and he was in pain. But before we left I made sure he knew I wasn’t satisfied.

And this when my right to equality and my modern woman voice turned me into a bully . I told him how we did it for hours and he still couldn’t make me come, we definitely not doing it again . Poor guy, in his defense the sex is really not bad, the frustration was mine for not coming and I made him feel like less of a man. I don’t know if it’s for the fact that he has a girlfriend therefore I don’t respect him or because I felt cheated out of the pleasure I kept giving him.

Needles to say we lost touch and deleted each other’s number so you can imagine my surprise when he contacted me yesterday. We made plans for dinner as I said we can’t go for drinks because we know how it ends to what he replied ‘yes ,in hours of us having sex and me not making you come’.

I felt like such a bully! Poor man has been holding all this in and provably affected him as a man. Have you ever been a bully to someone over something sexual? Between the three of us we have a couple of offenses: sleeping while getting oral sex, waking up naked next to him without having that after sex feeling and leaving that house with an obvious ‘you ain’t sh*it’ look, calling them our whores, making sure they know we aren’t pleased and a few more I am too embarrassed to mention.

Yet as Nick’s bruised ego tries to get back into my life , I can’t wait to get him to bed because I know he will want to redeem himself. And who am I to deny that ? That angry, ferocious, hungry, you are all mine sex with  a guy who is tall, dark, muscular and oh-so-handsome…honey I don’t about you but I want that…I promise to use my voice to be nice this time.

Yours truly,

Solange 

The Girlfriend experience

Every group of friends has that one guy that is so close to them, they consider a brother.

In my group his name is Stewart*. He is amazing, a good listener, sweet and cuteish. He started dating this no good girl with dangerous curves a year ago and out of respect for him we all tried (super hard) to like her.

They moved in together after four weeks, she has a child, no job and no dreams. Eventually things went south and now they have broken up. She is still staying at his house. He is still paying her bills. We no longer trying to act like we like her specially after her last stunt.

Her last stunt:She was on her way to a date, called Stewart to fine out where he was, and took her date to that coffee house. THE BITCH!!!

Stewart was obviously hurt and disappointed so I tried spending much of the day with him. We had lunch, after work drinks and dinner together. In my tipsy state I decided to treat him and give him the girlfriend experience. I took him out for dinner and paid for everything.DATES ARE EXPENSIVE! I paid ALL that JUST for dinner and not even a kiss, no sex no nothing.i know it was for a good cause but hey I am too horny, and now too broke, to be doing good causes.Now i know why men get angry when they take me on dates and don’t even get a kiss.

Half way through our dinner he confessed that he has always been attracted to me, and i ended up kissing him. I dunno if it was out of pity, out of horniness or if I was trying to give him the full girlfriend experience (well that’s what i told him).

After dinner we joined some out of town friends of mine and went o paint the town red. Danced and drunk our troubles away. This morning I wake up and find whats app messages from my ex telling me that we will talk when I am sober. I check my phone record and see that I called him and we spoke for about 3 mins (i have no recolation of that). I also had conversations with some random number.

Alcohol why do you ALWAYS do this to me?! Here i was acting all strong and BAM!

Well , at least now we have a new reason to drink wine tonight.

 Solange