I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve been taking note of what’s going on in my life and this is something I wrote 2-3 months ago. I am posting it because it is happening again (actually it has happen twice with 2 other friends since I wrote this) Anyway, here it is.
The other night my housemate asked us (four of us had a dinner and got to catch up) would you choose to be with someone who loves you or someone you love. Three of us said we could never be with someone who loved us and we didn’t love. For so many reasons. You would get bored, surely the constant I love you s would eventually annoy you. But mostly it’s kinda selfish. So the housemate who asked us the question admitted he was selfish and he would choose the girl who loves him then he would learn to love her, because she would treat him well (better than the one he loves). The three of us didn’t agree. We thought love was meant to be “natural”. Learnt love (this expression we used during our conversation) could not be compared to natural love (the kind of love that just happen).
Anyways…fast forward to today evening (which was one evening 2-3 months ago). This guy, John, we met at prayers. He hit on me before Christmas then went for a few months trip. Now he is back in town and back on my case. We went out for drinks and he asked me out, officially. I played the let’s take it slow; It came out nicely, I think (I should probably write about Technics I use to get out of awkward moments or maybe Candy should; she quite good at it). Then we went home, to our respective homes. He got me wine first.
Anyway point is I got to my room and started thinking, I don’t like kissing except strangers when I am drunk and people I like. But I could just sleep with him. I wouldn’t kiss him. It would just be to satisfy my hormones. He would be a great bf, he s a good religious gentleman who likes me (I think he just likes the idea of me).
So back to what my neighbour said. What if I date him? What if I could be selfish? My friends keep telling me I think to much about others anyway. So this is where I am right now. Considering dating someone who ll treat me like people in love treat people they love.
So since this happened, 2 of my friends have (directly or indirectly) asked me out, and although I have manage to avoid giving an answer (I really hate loosing friends to awkward situations) I am scared the topic may come back again. So this is where I am right now.
PS: The italic is for everything I added today ;)