Woman wake up horny too.
The same way a man wakes up craving the lips of a woman pleasuring him into his day, I wake up wishing a mystical him could glide in me and welcome me into the new day.
Made me miss Sean*
Sean was my first good looking crush. Young, dark and oh so handsome . When I met him there was actually a competition for him as a friend in law** decided she wanted him as well but to the cut the story short he friend zoned her and chose me .
He was cute, funny, sweet, got along with my friends and we were beyond compatible in bed. So compatible that even when I realized he wasn’t boyfriend material, we stayed friends with benefits.
The benefits were AMAZING. I could feel free to do as I pleased and there was no need for small talk, he would come over at night, from the door we would start taking clothes off, he would turn me and make me moan just by telling me what’s about to go down. I would moan , scratch, cry, scream and make sure he would cry out my name when he came ( I am not THAT selfish in bed). After all we would cuddle and he would be out of the house before the sun came up. Ah Sean, the perfect friend with benefits.
With time we lost contact, he got a girlfriend and I was back to THE ONE. Until a year and a half later when we bumped into each other and boy, my Victoria Secret got wet just from the hug, the knowing smile and the Wink. We got back to Facebook chatting and eventually I invited him over but this time it was a tad more serious.
He would come from work, bring bottles of wine, I would make dinner, we would chat, he would entertain my man-troubled-house-mate and only after we would have the craziest sex session you can imagine. We would start in the bed , go to the window, pass through the table , I would stop him half way to go down on him make him moan my name and pull my hair and go back right up against the wall for some more. In the morning I would wake up to some more sex , shower and go to work after the good bye kiss. Eventually it dawned on me that he was trying to start a relationship , and eventually he asked me why won’t I give us a chance .
I kept saying no to a relationship, but he still kept coming over, making time for us, having long chats while we were at work, he would post pics of us, sleep over at mine after a night out, and wake up at 4am with a smile when i wanted sex no ,matter how tired he was. Eventually Sean got tired, he started to drift away and i let him, we no longer talk.
Now I have mentioned I am a realist, just because we are good right now does not mean that we should date. He gave me valuable reasons as to why we would work and i would just say no. As we become closer our crazy sex became more passionate, the kisses become deeper, the hugs more meaningful and the deeper it got the more I sabotaged it. Yes girls do that too! In my defense I preferred not to start something that I know will hurt me at the end (yes i know that i will never know that for sure, but hey, LET ME BE). And eventually I started treating him like simply my whore ( lets just say this wasn’t far from the truth as Sean has BEEN around) and made sure he knew.
I am ashamed to admit that it made me feel as if I was on top of things , I could control this feeling and I could let this be just a physical thing. Maybe saying no to him was not about any fear but just about having the power. The power to treat someone like they were just good for sex like men have treated me before. And now I realize that power is blinding, at times we let go of something good simply because we were enjoying a power trip. It takes a lot to show vulnerability don’t just step on someone’s for your own power gain , it may be your loss in the end.
But today,in this horny morning, I miss Sean. His morning smile, him calling me Mami and me moaning Papi, talking about our dreams and fears while I made us dinner and he hugged me in his warm embrace. I miss shower time, caressing that body, feeling his growth in my hand then inside of me . I miss our passionate sex by the windows in broad day light, in the stairs, with masks, our sex games…
I don’t know if this is coming from my heart, conscience or my loins, but I miss and need Sean near me right now.
* name changed for obvious reasons
** a friend of a close friend of yours. You usually have to act as friends for your friend’s convenience but if it weren’t for her you wouldn’t even greet one another.